My Boulevard of Broken Plants

I am not nor have I ever been a member of the green thumb society.

The health of any plants coming into my care is very precarious and it appears irrelevant the amount of time/effort spent on them. They all expire prematurely. Some quietly, others linger despite the best advice.

GALLERY OF ROGUE FLORA

I am presenting a quick snapshot of the greenery in my care currently.

PALMS

Let’s talk about palm fronds.

Not the dainty ones from your potted palms that drift to the ground like feathers. But the humungous ones that thump on the ground and pile up around the base of the tree.

A few Sunday mornings ago, I decided that some light exercise would be good. Chopping the palm fronds into manageable lengths for my green bin was the plan.

A few notes for new players.

Dead fronds DO NOT LIKE going in the bin. The mongrels fight back.

My analysis of the job would only require me to anchor the large rigid vegetation on top of the open bin and snip it in pieces which would then fall obligingly into the said bin.

The mongrels fight back.

I tried upending the fronds heavy end down and snipping it in quarters (well no measuring tape to hand) for the razor-edged chunks to fall into the said open receptacle.

The mongrels fight back.

So the job is partly done. I will return to the job another Sunday soon. The green bin is now empty and more fronds are waiting on the ground.

POTTED PLANTS

I have had a multitude of green things in pots over the decades. My current crop includes Harry Hibiscus – a gift from a friend, who knowingly placed this defenceless plant in my sphere of careful destruction.

SPIDER

This glorious little thing has been planted and potted by someone else. I have been assured that a 1/2 cup of water once or twice a week and it will flourish. Deep sigh!

I have had it for about 6 weeks and it is not showing signs of illness or distress…. YET.

THE WINE BOTTLE PLANT

This luxuriant beauty mocks me every time I return to the office for an in-office day. You see I have been working from home for the last 7 months or so and my workdays back in the office are restricted.

This gorgeous thing has flourished, it gets a drink of water from whoever is in the office that day. Has been appropriately fertilised at suitable intervals by a horticulturally-gifted friend. No attention from me and distant care from STRANGERS!

LESSONS LEARNED

There is a casual competence that REAL gardeners like Kaylene and Brian show as they snip here and there. Water this, tend that, nurturing green things to their full potential.

Then there are wanna-be gardeners like me who lavish care and attention on the healthy green things and turn them into brown husks along the way.

I am an avid reader but the moment the topic turns to greenery there is a disruption between the words going into my brain and the activities undertaken by my hands using that new knowledge.

Plants, gentle and soft like Spider or ferocious like the Fronds are not meant to be my companions in life.

THE FUTURE?

I have been told by kind people that zucchinis are difficult to kill. I have bought a packet of seeds along with various pots, planters and potting mix.

My intention is to raise healthy zucchinis. There 2000 seeds in the packet – should I be concerned about the survival rate?

Please feel free to comment below. Or add your favourite zucchini recipe.